What's Wrong With Books?

This afternoon I was on the subway watching a man reading a big electrical box twice the size of a book. Don't we stare at computer screens enough? In fact, I think I could be losing my sight because all day long I'm staring at a lit screen.

I like books. I like the smell of them, the look of them, the weight of them in my hands. I like the simple act of page turning. Am I the only one who gets an odd sensation like I just accomplished something from turning a page?

On the flip side, whatever gets people to read is a good thing. I just wish they'd do it the old fashioned way.

Drew Ain't So Bad

Alright...I think I hurt some feelings when I attacked Drew Barrymore for her crazy side-talkin' mouth and butterfly love gibberish. Now that I saw Grey Gardens on HBO where she played Little Eddie I have to retract past statements.

I was prepared for her to do a caricature performance of one of my favorite iconic personalities but I've now pulled the foot from my mouth. The chick ain't so bad.

The Oldest American Idol Contestant Was Born In 1980?

Hot damn, time is flying by. I get those moments (though few and far between) where I feel like I need to dust the cobwebs off or just buy a Snuggie and call it a day. I'm not an avid Idol watcher but tonight all the contestants are singing a song from the year they were born. Therefore, at the end of the show, before you dial in your fav, you may have a coronary when you hear the last contestant sing The Thong Song.

Disney Eggs

Why?

What Bernie's Made Of

While talking to Papa Shock today I asked him what he thought of the Madoff sentence. He said "In this country, if you work hard enough at something you can achieve it".

If This Person Offered You Kool-Aid...

...would you drink it?

All she needs to complete this outfit is a cat collection and a vibrator because that's all the warmth she's going to get in this life.

I Don't Like Drew Barrymore

But I can't say that in public because when I do people look at me like I just shot their dog. It's as if people feel required to like her simply because she likes butterflies and monkeys and still looks like a ten year-old. Sure...forget the fact her movies are pretentious and she thinks acting is nothing but a rotation of sulking and giggling.

Now, if somebody said they don't like Dolly Parton, THEN I would say this person has a problem. Who doesn't like Dolly Parton?

New York City Police Officer Shows Me The Love

I was rushing home to watch Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and was hit by a cop car. That first part was a joke. But serious...I was crossing 3rd ave and 23rd street at 11:20 PM on Friday night and a cop car (in emergency mode) hit me and drove away.
Crazy, right?

After I flew off the driver's rearview mirror, I stood up and scurried out of the street. A couple people came to my aid and said "That police car just hit you. Are you OK?" Given that I'm in a state of shock, I told everyone I was okey-dokey and got on the subway. Once I sat down and checked out my throbbing left calf, I noticed I had a fugly gash. I also couldn't bend my right arm.

Long story short, I called the precinct and the operator said " you're kidding, right?" We both laughed uncomfortably and he encouraged me to file a complaint asap. What's worse than getting hit by a cop car??? Spending your Saturday in a precinct.

Screw Motherhood. I've Got Sweaty 22 Year-Olds To Manhandle

And you thought YOUR mom could be embarassing. Atleast you're not Lourdes and have to explain this recent "I'M STILL YOUNG AND SEXY" photo shoot Madge starred in for W Magazine.

Once again, Madonna plays the part of sexual tourist. Remember the Sex book? You know...when Madonna asked a man twice her age, Vanilla Ice and a couple guys who looked like Deeter to justify her love? This time around it's a trip to Rio. Ahhhh, nothing like hanging out in a hotel room in extremely dangerous Rio with four guys half your age.

The Mysterious Case of Madge aging backwards has commenced and unfortunately the recent cheek implants are a sign of Wacko Jacko behaviour just around the corner.

Look...An STD Vending Machine!

Wasn't VH1 supposed to be the G-rated version of MTV? Parents everywhere, I strongly urge you to child-lock your boob-tube. Otherwise, run the risk of Joey Junior asking you to define herpes before kindergarten enrollment. What the hell is with this show?

The skank factor is through the roof from the moment the credits start. What floored me was the scene too shocking to be seen. You know, the one where Nikki put a shot glass where one need not be and two groupies were so repulsed they had to leave the premises. If you can turn the sex meter up high enough to scare off groupies you should be banned from species propagation.

Of course, that moment was all but forgotten when Marcia drank herself into a puke frenzy before meeting Bret for the first time. But how does one mask puke flavor when she's about to tongue-tackle a washed up rock star five minutes after introduction? Eat a fun-tube of Pizza Pringles. Can you feel it? Valentine's day is just around the corner.